On arguing

My wife commented the other day on how it seems like a required part of being a Christian is being able and willing to argue with other Christians about the validity of your beliefs. It sounds kind of silly when it is phrased like that, but in my experience, it’s generally true.

No matter what belief you may adhere to at any particular time, it seems a given that if you make it public in any sort of forum, there is bound to be at least one person who will take issue with it- and often you, as a result.

I have been both the “confronted” and the “confronter” in time gone by. When confronted- as in recent times regarding my blog posts-  I have found myself rolling my eyes at the urgency with which my confronters have “corrected” my wrong beliefs with the obviously clear truth of Scripture, which, in my stubbornness and carelessness, I have blasphemously set to the side. Like, come on- I’m an adult; I have the ability to critically think and read the Bible for myself. Give me some credit.

And then I find myself showing the exact same ignorance and insensitivity to another person.

How can this person believe such a thing when Scripture is so clear about this? 

This person is not reading the Bible for themselves.

And whether they or I brashly and openly disagree with the heretic and uncritical thinker in question and confront their heresy with the inerrant truth of Scripture, or simply gently communicate a certain concern for their eternal well-being, such confrontations are often unproductive, at least in my experience.

In response to one of my previous posts, “My gay agenda“, two different people confronted me about my position, and in each case, we went back and forth numerous times, refuting each others’ points and then refuting each others’ refutations. I felt that my points trumped theirs; I’m sure they felt the same about their own points. In the end, in each debate, neither of us budged an inch on our respective positions.

What was accomplished by engaging in debate with each other? Neither of us changed our perspective at all. It was probably safe to say we had our minds- for the most part- made up before we even read what the other person had to say. With both of us evidently being passionate enough on the subject to engage in lengthy debate with another, we had heard the others’ arguments many times before and we only rolled our eyes as we read each others’ responses and churned out our by-now automatic response to the popular criticisms of our perspective. Of course, I can only speak on behalf of myself- if my fellow combatants in Holy debate were not rolling their eyes, then they were better men than I.

I heard a great quote from Philip Yancy a while ago:

“No one ever converted to Christianity because they lost the argument.”

In this case, one might say, “no one ever changed their views on homosexuality because they lost an argument to an anonymous blogger/random commenter on the internet.”

One might argue- hehe- that this is too absolute of a statement, but I feel like it reflects some truth at least.

I left the aforementioned arguments not with a changed perspective but with an even tighter grip on the one I had had before. I left not feeling closer to this fellow human being on the other side of the internet, but more distant and at unavoidable odds with. We hadn’t connected, but only confronted. I left the argument only feeling annoyed, bitter, and exhausted. Nothing positive was gained out of this interaction, except for a temporary boost to my ego after I let fly another great set of refutations to the others’ arguments- a feeling which is really not that positive at all in the grand scheme of things anyways.

I guess I just wonder if engaging in debates about sensitive and humungous issues is really worthwhile. In my experience, bitterness, frustration, and tension are more likely  to result from such debates than one combatant conceding defeat and changing their perspective right there on the spot.

So why have them?

Getting frustrated with a fellow Christian’s supposed ignorance or misguided theology never makes me feel closer to God or to my fellow human (which come hand in hand for me).

Yet when I chat with a person near me in the lounge at school and we connect on even the most casual of levels, the fact that their theology is different than mine suddenly doesn’t matter anymore, because I have just connected with them as a fellow human being.

It’s not denial, it’s not like I am pretending that we don’t disagree on the issue of homosexuality or the interpretation of Scripture or whatever- it’s just realizing that really, in the big picture, there are more important things in life. Like viewing other people as human beings who want to be treated the same way as you- with love, compassion, and empathy.

Now what to do going forward..

here’s an idea: What if I never stated my opinion on something unless it was asked for? (Guess I’d have to stop blogging…)

Or what if I just lived my opinion- however cliche that may sound? After all, haven’t I said in previous posts that I believe the gospel centers on love? And haven’t I said that nothing reflects one’s true beliefs more than what they do? Maybe I should just start, you know, loving others instead of arguing with them.

I know- conversation about sticky issues is good, and it would seem foolish to do away with all of it. But I guess just in my experience, when I start “conversing” with people of a very different opinion on a hotly contested issue, I quickly lose my feelings of empathy and love for them, and just as quickly gain ones of bitterness and frustration. And then it’s not worth it.

I quoted these principles of effective argumentation in my first post:

1) Use the principles of argumentation with compassion.

2) Reaffirm your opponent’s sense of competence.

3) Emphasize equality.

4) Emphasize shared attitudes.

5) Show opponents you are interested in their views.

6) Allow your opponents to save face.

This is definitely my ideal for argumentation, but it has been very difficult to achieve. “Emphasizing equality” and “shared attitudes” would be a lot easier if we weren’t in a debate.

I think I’m at the point now where I just want out. I’m over it. I don’t want to argue for my particular position and I don’t want to cram my brain for refutations to your every point against it. I don’t want to feel bitter, I don’t want to feel frustrated, I don’t want to roll my eyes at you. I don’t want to feel at odds with you. I don’t want to identify you by your theology, but only by your humanity.

I don’t want to argue with you about God, I just want to see him in you.

Any thoughts? Am I overreacting? Is there a balance to be found? Let me know, and let’s see if we can talk together instead of at each other.

-j

• Argument
• Christianity
• Debate